The Journey of Black Motherhood: Self-Care, Growth and Cannabis

“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” — Robert Browning

Motherhood is an experience you can’t quite describe. It’s beautifully challenging, comical, life-affirming, and exhausting all at the same time. The amount of anxiety I have on a daily basis to make sure I usher my little human beings through life and into greatness without messing them up is insane. 

But Black motherhood? That’s a different level of artistry and resilience that would better be compared to some mythical being in a book. This journey of Black motherhood has been blended with threads of love, sacrifice, and strength. A strength that’s needed to relentlessly pursue self love in a system that often neglects the care of women that look like me.

However, pay close attention, there’s a cultural awakening happening. One where black mothers are now realizing, it’s not just about nurturing our children, but ourselves, too—because let’s be real, we can’t pour from an empty cup, even though we often try. The question is, how do we even find the energy to fill our cup in a society that is systematically draining?

Carrying the Weight of Generations

Black mothers are no strangers to the concept of “doing the most.” We’ve been doing it for generations, and it’s ingrained in us as deeply as our melanin. We carry the weight of our ancestors, our children, and the collective trauma that comes with existing in a world that’s not always kind. Our legacy of strength is both a gift and a burden.

The expectation to always be unwaveringly strong is exhausting. We’re expected to be superhuman, fix all world problems with a smile—and let’s not forget the abundance of grace and style we give along the way. But here’s the thing: this whole “strong Black woman” title was initially adopted as a survival mechanism. It’s how we managed to thrive in a world that often wanted to see us crumble (Harris-Perry, 2011).

I can’t tell you how many onlookers have loudly proclaimed my strength and how I can handle anything as if I should wear it like a badge of honor. Well, at this stage in my life, I tell them no! I’ve declined that narrative and I urge all of you to as well. Strength shouldn’t mean sacrificing our well-being. Black motherhood should be about more than just survival, it should be about thriving and nurturing growth in not only our children, but ourselves too.

Self Care Is More Than Bubble Baths and Green Smoothies

© Greater Good Magazine

Self care is a relatively new term making its way through mainstream culture and repackaged into a narrow definition that can sometimes suspiciously look like privilege. Elaborate travel itineraries, green smoothies, and weekly facials? Well, that sounds amazing—if you have the time, money, or flexibility in your daily responsibilities. Sadly for some women, the moment they finally are able to check off one of those activities in their self care buckets, they’re made to feel selfish for doing something so “extravagant” for themselves. So let me get this straight, maintaining our sanity is extravagant? Why are we expected to put everyone’s needs before our own?

The idea that a mother’s self-care could be selfish, is one of the most corrupt lies we’ve been made to believe. Self-care doesn’t need to be luxurious, but as a mother, it is without a doubt a necessity and should always be accessible, inclusive, and what works for you.

So, what does self-care also look like for us? It looks like finding those stolen moments of peace on a chaotic day or a quick nap. Definitely give me two of those please! 

It may also look like reading a good book or grabbing some lunch for yourself without having to take any kids to the bathroom. I kid you not, I didnt eat a hot meal until my kids were like five years old. But honestly, self-care could also be getting dressed up real cute, grabbing some bottomless mimosas, a pack of rolling paper and a vibrant exotic flower with your homegirls. 

Yes, you heard me right. Sometimes self-care looks like indulging in some cannabis to take the edge off after a long day. I’m a working mom to two beautiful, intelligent, and carefree daughters. They’re always full of energy and in true “girl mom” fashion, they like to see what buttons of mine they can push to create a new melody, like Beethoven on the piano.

Now, look at that circle of life—I’m sorry mom!

As moms, we love hard and would lay down our lives for our children, but after a long overworked day, at some point or another, we’ve all whispered some version of, “F%@# them kids” in the very back of our brains. All with love, of course. 

Now I know some who may want to shy away from my direct and blunt assessment of motherhood and that is ok if you so choose. But I’m a truth teller and the majority of moms who are right in the trenches with me know Motherhood is exhausting.

Like I said in the beginning, motherhood is the most beautifully comical thing I’ve ever experienced and I know I’m not alone. So it’s ok if occasionally, your peace resides in a double stuffed ooey-gooey infused chocolate chip cookie, or the end of a burning aromatic blunt. Mothers can easily incorporate cannabis into their day by using it in the evening to unwind after the kids are asleep or adding a little CBD to their morning routine for a calm and focused start. It’s about creating your own moments that ground you and remind you of your own divine power.

Doing it Our Way, One Day at a Time

Many people still stigmatize mothers who choose to consume cannabis, unjustly questioning their ability to be loving and attentive parents. This outdated perspective ignores the fact that responsible cannabis use does not diminish a mother’s dedication or capabilities (Dickson & Mansfield, 2018), but instead can do quite the opposite. 

Cannabis has long been a part of wellness practices in black and brown communities, even when it’s been stigmatized and criminalized (Alexander, 2010). Today, as we’re seeing a shift in the conversation around cannabis, Black mothers are reclaiming it as a tool for self-care and healing. They use CBD to ease their anxiety and stress and incorporate cannabis into their mindfulness practices. Black mothers are finding ways to integrate it into their wellness routines—and they’re doing so unapologetically.

The journey of Black motherhood runs deep and long. We’re redefining wellness on our terms, finding our village, and reclaiming our time from a society that tries to impose a rigid definition of what motherhood should be.

So, here’s to all the Black mothers who are doing the most, every single day. To the women who are finding their way, one day at a time, and who are unapologetically putting their wellness first. 

References

Alexander, M. (2010). The new Jim Crow: Mass incarceration in the age of colorblindness. The New Press.

Dickson, B., & Mansfield, R. (2018). Challenging the stigma: Perceptions of cannabis use among parents. Journal of Social Health, 12(4), 45-56.

Harris-Perry, M. V. (2011). Sister citizen: Shame, stereotypes, and Black women in America. Yale University Press.

Written by: Jessica Lewis, MS, BSN, RN. 

Jessica Lewis, MS, BSN, RN, is a United States Marine Corps veteran and a Registered Nurse with seven years of experience in emergency room and surgical care. She brings a rich and diverse educational and professional background to the cannabis industry, holding two Bachelor’s degrees—one in Public & Community Health, one in Nursing, and a Master’s in Medical Cannabis Science and Therapeutics from the University of Maryland, School of Pharmacy. 

Jessica’s unique blend of expertise in both traditional and alternative healthcare focuses on empowering individuals through education on the therapeutic benefits of cannabis, with a special emphasis on veterans, women of color, and the elderly. 

She currently serves as the Board Secretary for the Minority Cannabis Business Association (MCBA), advocating for equitable access to resources and opportunities for minority business owners in the industry. Jessica’s dedication to breaking stigmas around cannabis is rooted in her own journey with chronic pain management, which fuels her commitment to helping others find relief. A devoted mother of two, Jessica uses her personal experiences to inspire and uplift others, making her a compassionate voice in the cannabis wellness space.Attention writers and creatives. You can join <Vee’s Writers Network> to get FREE tips on becoming a published writer/creative- delivered to your inbox.